So this is what the "other side" looks like. I am no longer consumed with thinking about cranio 24/7. I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. It was an odd feeling as we were leaving the hospital. Almost bitter sweet in a weird way. I told Matt as we were leaving it was a surreal feeling. All the times I thought about surgery and imagined what everything would be like I was never able to see this far down the road. Never thought about the moment when we were leaving and we could start to move on.
Does the other side have its challenges? Of course! I would be lying to you if I said its easy. Hudson is having some post traumatic stress which is completely understandable. Hell I think both Matt and I have a bit too. Hudson has to be held all the time and see me at all times. He is more jumpy and scared than he used to be. What about sleeping? This kid was never a fantastic sleeper and now Matt and I joke he is a vampire b/c he just doesn't sleep. He cat naps at best. When he does sleep he wakes up in a frantic screaming. Many of the cranio moms call them night terrors. I can only imagine how Hudson feels. He went to sleep and when he woke up couldn't see, his head was enormous, he was poked and prodded at all hours, he heard beeping and alarms, he had iv's and wires in him, throwing up, nurses cleaning his incision... I can't blame the kid for being scared to go to sleep. The only comfort he had was us. Having my mom in Dallas with us was such a life saver. Being able to step out and be human...breath, cry, gather yourself back together and be mommy again. THANK YOU MOM!
It is certainly trying going on no sleep with a fussy clingy baby but this I can handle. All I have to do now is be mommy and that I can be. I am no longer helpless. I can comfort and walk up and down the halls, bounce and pat his butt all day and night, sing and read books... which have been doing 24/7. We really have no time to just sit and rest.
But I am the luckiest girl in the world with the best support base I could ever ask for. Thank you so much to my friends and family. Really you have made such a big difference to us. All the messages on Facebook made me realize we aren't alone in this. A big thank you to my sorority sister Loren who lives in Dallas and just showed up the first night we were in the PICU with goodies and a big hug. It was such an amazing surprise. I am horrible at asking for help and it was amazing that she didn't ask and just came. That day was made a little easier by seeing a familiar face and a hug goes a long way. The next day they brought us dinner. I looked forward to it all day knowing I would get a chance to just be normal for an hour. Get out of the hospital room and eat with friends. THANK YOU! Thank you to Morgan, Jon, Ashley for: making us food, organizing my tornado of a house, elevating Hudsons crib to keep swelling down. I can't tell you what it meant to us. Thank you to Matts mom Liz who cleaned our house from top to bottom so that when we came home all we had to do was help the baby. Thank you to my mom who came over at 5:30 am yesterday so Matt and I could sleep. Thank you to my sister and Troy for spending the day with us yesterday making Christmas cookies, watching movies, holding the baby to relieve me. Thank you to Julia and Curtis for watching Reece while we were gone.
I know I am forgetting people but overall I just wanted to say THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. I feel so incredibly blessed to have such amazing people in my life. I couldn't ask for anything more. I now have a healthy baby, wonderful husband, amazing family and friends. I consider myself to be one of the luckiest women in the world. You really do get by with a little help from your friends. We wouldn't be in one piece right now if it weren't for you.
Thank you to Hudson. He has taught me: unconditional love, courage, perseverance, patience, and best of all how to be a mom. He has made me realize that I am braver than I believe stronger than I seem,
and smarter than I think." Pictures say a thousand words. The pictures above make me so incredibly proud to be his mom. What an incredible little boy. How lucky am I! Thank you God.