"It's a strange thing, but when you are dreading something, and would give anything to slow down time, it has a disobliging habit of speeding up.
~J.K. Rowling, "The Hungarian Horntail," Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, 2000
We originally were looking at doing our surgery in Feb. b/c the doctor likes to do surgery when the baby is 11 months. BUT in Jan. insurance with my company is changing. It will be significantly cheaper for us to do the surgery with our current health care provider.
I talked with Dr. Fearons nurse and told her our situation. I said my #1 concern of course is getting the best results and is way more important to us than financial issues. We will figure it out. I said it moving the date up will at all increase the chance of another surgery that we will keep our Feb. date.
She said the best operation results window is between 9-11 months. After 1 year success isn't as effective. She said the head is changing so quickly during the first year that it is good to wait as long as possible but before 1 year. (Another great reason to raise awareness!) She said doing the surgery at 9 months will be fine. I expressed my concern again about if this will increase the chance of another surgery that we will wait. She said there is no way to predict what his skull will do at 9 months, 11 months or through his life. She said that's why Dr. Fearon over corrects during surgery b/c with this condition his skull will want to reform. But that he tries to hit a home run during surgery so we only have to do this once but there is no guarantee. Dr. Fearons rates of needing another surgery is 2%, other doctors percentages are MUCH higher.
So I talked to the surgery coordinator and told our situation. She said there are 11 other children who also need Dec. But that she would mark it in her book. She said we can't have a date until the neurosurgeons schedule is released. Amazingly enough it might be released tomorrow!!! Finally some good news.
WOW! So many feelings are flying around right now. I am happy to have this over with sooner than later. BUT holy crap this is becoming REAL SO FAST!!! I felt like time was already going too fast and now we have hit fast forward. Every step along the way I literally feel like I am dragging my heels in the ground getting pulled to the finish line.
It is so great that this will be behind us sooner but its so hard to imagine that when all I can see is surgery. I realize moving it up only changes the fact that I have to deal with this sooner rather than later. But I like my happy, cozy denial. Its safe unlike the harsh reality. Lets just pretend this isn't real is much easier to deal with on a daily basis. And now BAM, my blanket of denial is quickly removed.
Sometimes music says it best. Drumming, by Florence & the Machines is exactly how this has felt. Its been my "soundtrack" through this. Every time I listen to it, it reminds me of that first doctors appointment and how it feels on those bad days.
I will happy to have a new soundtrack soon. I'm thinking Here Comes the Sun will fit perfectly!