Its been so long I couldn't even remember my password to get into the blog! So long since I thought about cranio it took me awhile to remember the craniokids.org site but it all came rushing back to me tonight as I was putting him to bed and felt the return of the ridge on his forehead. Time stopped for a brief second as I tried to find my breathe and tell myself my imagination is getting away with me. As I brushed my hand across his forehead again my heart sunk in my chest and all those feelings came pouring back to me. All those feelings I thought I had overcome and I could lock away to never feel again. It made me angry at cranio for doing this to him, to us! Haven't we been through enough? What test did we not pass? How much more can we handle?!
We always knew that someday his skull would want to reform the way it wanted to but to what degree was unknown. I didn't know when it would come back but wasn't thinking this soon! Logically I knew this would never be behind us completely. Dr. Fearon had told us his goal was to overcorrect enough to overcompensate for what his skull wants to do. But I am not always a logical person and tend to lean towards fantasy land and wanted to pretend we could just move on, put this behind us and be thankful for the life lesson. I haven't even had time to mail out all my thank you cards yet and we are already back here!
We already had an appointment set with Dr. Fearon for a follow up visit months ago. We will see him on Monday and Hudson will have his head measured again and the famous post op pics. I was already a bit torn on how to feel about the follow up visit. Surgery certainly didn't go as we thought it would. I can't even think right now about doing that ever again. I hope that when we see Dr. Fearon we can talk about what happened that day... as well as what to expect for the future. Although I am pretty sure for the future he is going to say its a wait and see game.
On a positive note... Hudson is amazing!!! SO amazing. He is trying to walk, talk, climb and win over any pretty lady near him. He is such a sweet sweet cuddly little boy who forgives in a second and loves to laugh, play, give kisses, sing, dance and EAT... The spirit of a child is inspiring. He is going to be one on March 18th and we are trying to plan his first b-day. Many good things in his future. One of the nearest is his first taste at CAKE!!!